Despite what Disney movies and other ideas of fairy-tale romance have tried to impart to us, all relationships go through rough patches. Whether it’s a tiff over whose turn it was to take out the trash or a more complex struggle regarding misaligned values or differing conflict styles, there will always be times when we don’t see eye to eye with our partners.
No one is tailor-made for anyone — we have to take the time and make the effort to learn to love our significant others in the ways they want to be loved and support them in the ways they need to be supported. And unfortunately, people don’t come with instruction manuals, so this process can often be bumpy and uncomfortable. But if we’re committed to growing with our partners long-term, it’s always worth it in the end.
Here are 16 quotes to show us how we can effectively navigate through those tight spots, and to remind us of the incomparable rewards that lie on the other side.
Conflict is intrinsic to all relationships. The presence of bickering or disagreements doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t good, or that it isn’t worth it, often it’s an alarm. Your relationship needs attention. Sometimes the best fight you can have is the fight for each other.Esther Perel
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.Thomas S. Monsoon
Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.Gary Chapman
Assumptions are the termites of relationships.Steve Sisgold
What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple … In their day-to-day lives, [happily married couples] have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone. It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.Ursula K. Le Guin
The more reliable and consistent we are in our follow-through on commitments and our relationship repair work, the deeper trust grows.Gina Senarighi
No conflict can be solved so long as all parties are convinced they are right. Solution is possible only when at least one party begins to consider how he might be wrong.Yusuf al-Falah
Taking responsibility — even for a small part of the problem in communication — presents the opportunity for great repair. It’s highly effective.John Gottman, Julie Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams
No one can dance with a partner and not touch each other’s raw spots. We must know what these raw spots are and be able to speak about them in a way that pulls our partner closer to us.Sue Johnson
Usually, if you address things that are bothering you from the get-go and receive a positive response, your whole demeanor will change. Worries and fears surface more when you are not communicating your concerns and are letting things build up.Amir Levine
Most people think of love as a feeling, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.David Richo
Over time, with training and practice, we can change our responses. We can shift from being reactive individuals to being proactive teammates who, in cooperation with our partner, intentionally shape the transaction between us … In your close relationships, urgency is your enemy, and breath is your friend.Terrence Real
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.Peter Drucker
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There’s only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to do it. And there’s only one time it will happen: when they decide they’re ready.Lori Deschene
They don’t need to know your side of the story, and you don’t need the last word. Seek healing and you’ll find peace in not proving your point.Morgan Richard Olivier
Featured image credit: kieferpix/ iStock
